“I have cancer”. These are words you pray you never have to hear a loved one say. If you are someone who has heard these words recently, my heart aches for you. I hope this post will help you through this difficult time.

Mom has Cancer

November 19th, 2009 was the day after my mom’s 45th birthday. I was a sophomore in high school and my mom and dad were driving me home from a football game. We pulled into the driveway and before we got out, my mom said we needed to talk. My heart sank knowing that she must have gotten her test results back. My father said the words I never thought I would hear… “mom has cancer”.

I sat in the car for what seemed like hours. Everything around me stopped and my heart felt like it had shattered. At first my mind was blank, then it started racing with questions.

“How could God let this happen?”

“What is going to happen now?”

“Am I going to loose my mom?”

I put my head down in my hands hoping and praying this was all a dream.

Having Faith in the Valley

The next couple of years were not easy. While seeing my mom have surgery, chemotherapy, radiation and medical complications, I saw my relationship with God in a new light. He truly became my everything, my life source. He helped me get out of bed in the morning and get through each day. Even though this was the hardest thing I had ever been through, I could feel Him and see Him walking through the valley with me. I could not see where the valley would end. I had to completely trust in Him.

As a 14 year old girl this was not an easy thing to do and I certainly did not do everything right. But here are some things I learned during this season that I hope will help you through your time in the valley.

1. Pray

There will be times when you feel like no one can help you and know one understands. During these times I would go to my room and pray. Even if they are prayers of confusion and anger. God Loves you with all His heart and he wants to go through this time with you. Before leaning on anyone else, lean on God.

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1

2. Do not Isolate yourself

During this time in my life I pushed everyone away. This is not healthy! God says that it is not good for man to be alone, and while he is talking about a husband and wife, I believe that it can also be applied to other relationships as well. Spend time with friends and family, do not stop going to Church. Get up and out of bed even if it takes every ounce of your strength.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

3. Don't suppress your emotions

I did not want to fully accept to what was happening. So instead of dealing with my emotions in a healthy way, I pushed them down and ended up being numb. Instead of letting myself be emotional when I needed to be, I held it in and then I would explode when I could no longer handle the situation. Let yourself be upset! Your loved ones will understand this is a difficult time for you too.

It’s also okay to be angry.. I would have times I even got angry at my mom. I was young, trying to deal with life and school was hard enough and then I had to add this on top of everything? I would get angry at God, asking why he let this happen. It is okay to get upset with God. He loves you and understands what you are going through. Even when you do not understand God’s plan you need to keep trusting Him even when it hurts. God didn’t tell us life would be easy, but He will always be with us.

What is important is you do not stay in this place of anger. Have your moment of anger or sadness and then move on and trust God.

“O God my rock,” I cry, “Why have you forgotten me? Why must I wander around in grief, oppressed by my enemies?” Their taunts break my bones. They scoff, “Where is this God of yours?” Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise Him again – my Savior and my God!” Psalm 42:9-11

4. It’s okay to have Fun

During this time I always felt guilty when I was having fun. My mom was fighting for her life and I’m out having a fun time?! Trust me, your loved one wants you to be happy and enjoying life. Do not let the enemy tell you lies. Living for Jesus means we have joy amongst our trials and it’s okay to live a joyful life!

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

God is in Control

I praise God my mom received a clean bill of health on Thanksgiving of 2017. I may never understand why she went through what she did, but I have peace in my heart knowing God is in control. God is there with you in the valley, cry out to Him and he will answer.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10