Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them. Proverbs 13:24

The topic of discipline can be a sensitive and confusing one for various reasons. Sometimes personal experiences with abusive discipline can lead a parent to shy away from the necessity of proper discipline. Also, the ever changing teachings of this world’s culture and institutions can often contradict the teachings of scripture. This causes many parents to not know who to turn to for answers. As with all our ParentTips we seek guidance and solutions from the Bible.

The Bible clearly teaches children must obey their parents, which means parents must be able to direct their children.

…because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son. Hebrews 12:6

There is much confusion surrounding the subject of discipline. Some people believe there is never a justification for spanking a child. Spanking is often confused with child abuse. For sure spanking should never be done in anger and should never be abusive. But what does a parent do when all else fails when a child is in complete rebellion?

Rebellion is a willful defiance towards a parent’s authority.

When a child says “no” or just walks away from a parent’s commands that is active rebellion. Some children just throw a temper tantrum in active opposition to a parent’s commands. A child can also display passive rebellion by just not doing what he or she is asked to do, no matter how many times asked or how asked. Or a child decides the parent’s instruction is not how they will do things, If they do comply it will be on their timeline and terms. This is passive rebellion.

The Bible is quite clear that rebellion against a parent’s authority should not be tolerated.

Rebellion is a form of control. There must be consequences.

For sure it takes a lot of work to deal with a child’s improper behavior and especially when a child has a strong will. But this is a parent’s job and a child’s character development is dependent upon their obedience. A child’s will must submit to a parent’s will. This is divine order.

It is much easier to develop a child when younger than older. The longer you wait to require a child to obey instruction the harder it gets. Bad habit patterns develop when discipline in the home is inept, scarce or wrongly implemented.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Ephesians 6:1

Manipulation is not proper discipline.

Some parents resort to manipulation rather than teaching the rules and requirements of the home. Using a child’s carnal desires to get a proper response is not discipline. Appealing to covetousness, trickery, intimidation, playing on a child’s emotions and desires will not develop an obedient heart. You should have set rules and clear consequences. If your child willfully disobeys an understood command, you do not want to negotiate obedience. You should never allow your child to make a reward a requirement for obedience. “I will obey only if you give me candy.” This puts the child in control and not the parent. Nor do you need to always provide incentive for obedience. For example; “If you obey, then I will take you for ice cream.” The proper response for disobedience should be justice, i.e., “you know the consequence for disobeying.” Of course acknowledge and affirm a child’s obedience. There is nothing wrong with rewarding a child for good behavior.

When a child is rebellious, redirecting disobedience to a more acceptable activity is not good discipline. Redirecting behavior is OK, but not when there is outright refusal to obey a parent.

You know it’s time to work on discipline when kids rule.

When a parent no longer has control over bed time, what and when children eat, watch on TV, time spent on tablets and phones, how they dress and respond to requirements of the home, etc., the house is out of order. Parents no longer have the authority, their words have become mere suggestions. It’s time to regain authority through prayer, wisdom, clear rules, much conversation, and consequences. A parent’s will must be stronger than a child’s will.

Is it ever proper to spank a child?

Every parent needs to honestly assess their methods of discipline and its results. Some children are more easily led than others. What works for one may not work for another. What’s important is developing children who are obedient and display Christlike character and not a spirit of rebellion. Rebellion should never be tolerated. A parent must figure out the best method of discipline to eliminate it in the home. Manipulation is not a good method as it only appeals to the carnal nature of the child. The Bible is quite clear discipline may require the rod of correction.

A parent must establish or reestablish divine order in the home. It can be done and it is absolutely necessary. A child who has permissive parents can end up suffering with anxiety because it causes the child to have to make adult decisions.

Story

Years ago a woman in our church came up to me weeping about her uncontrollable 4 year old child. She said she can no longer go shopping because her child screams bloody murder if she does not get what she wants in the store. Sometimes she would give in, but then her daughter would want something else and the tantrum would begin again. I asked her how she would handle the situation. The lady told me she yells and threatens the child with taking away her toys, but the child does not listen. She ends up leaving the store frustrated, embarrassed and angry.

We prayed about the situation and asked God for wisdom and strength for mom. I asked her if she had ever considered taking the child to her car and giving her a little spank. First explain to your child what was going to happen and why. Then let the child know how much mom loves her and she is a good girl. After the discipline, go back into the store and shop. If this act does not work the first time, do it again. Needless to say, mom comes up to me weeks later and says she cannot believe the difference in her child’s behavior.

A parent cannot let a child rule. This is detrimental to the child’s well being and to the peace of God in the home. Repentance and change is a Biblical command in the life of a believer, young and old.

BOTTOM LINE:

Children must obey their parents.
Manipulation is not discipline.
You must find a method of discipline that works.

Today’s Prayer: LORD, give me patience and understanding needed to properly discipline my children in love. Help me to maintain godly order and peace in my home to foster the maturing of spiritually and emotionally healthy children. In Jesus Name, I pray. Amen!

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