ParentTip #18 Telling and Reasoning
Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you. Exodus 20:12
The Bible clearly teaches a child to honor his or her mother and father. A child’s understanding of the concept of honor increases as they get older and grow into a teenager. A parent cannot expect a toddler or young child to behave properly based upon their ability to reason or spiritual maturity. A child needs to be told what to do.
The younger a child the more the necessity of a parent controlling their behavior.
Young children should be told what to do as their ability to reason is not yet mature. They must know your laws and commands are to be followed and misbehavior will not be tolerated. Parents must apply the necessary pressure and discipline required to get their children to act properly. This takes work, consistency and a demand for proper behavior.
A child’s obstinance and resistance is no reason to give in to improper behavior. Forceful compliance is a necessity when a child is young.
You will see some parents trying to reason with their young child(ren) even when their child’s behavior is completely out of line.
The younger a child the more important it is to set secure boundaries and rules and to control their behavior. A no is a no and that’s it! Children must know they cannot disobey without consequence and or punishment.
You cannot expect your toddler to follow instructions because you said so. You cannot reason with a toddler or younger children. You must have physical boundaries for their protection. Control and discipline is sometimes needed for a child’s protection much like a playpen is an appropriate physical protective device. Do not expect young children to have the attention span to sit with you for a teaching lesson or to have the cognitive or emotional ability to understand and obey instruction.
As children get older their ability to understand and learn increases.
As a child approaches pre-teen years a parent can spend more time explaining the whys behind their requirements, rules, boundaries and actions. Parental conversations with your children open up great opportunities for God to speak to them as well. God will use you as a parent to speak into your children’s lives and He will use your children to speak into your life as well.
As long as your child acts like a child they need to be controlled like a child. As they mature into obedient and respectful children, your parenting can become more focused on teaching, mature discussion and reasoning.
If a child’s bad behavior is controlled when they are younger. they are less likely to rebel against parental control and authority when they enter teenage years.
The earlier you require obedience by controlling behavior, the less behavior modification a child will need later in life. For sure strong willed children take more time and effort than children who are compliant, but the same rules of parenting apply. Diligence, consistency and discipline are necessary in training a child in the way they should go. Do not let a strong-willed child overwhelm you and cause you to back down in requiring obedience. You must work hard at getting every child to respond to you with obedience and respect.
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6
If a parent invests in learning how to raise their children with Biblical principles (ParentTips) and apply them consistently, they will raise honorable children.
Raising kids by your emotions, convenience, by the example of bad parenting, by the seat of your pants, or by culture’s ever changing methods contrary to the teachings of scripture, will make things harder for you and your children. Pray, learn and work hard on applying the Biblical teachings and principles provided to us by the Lord in scripture in raising children.
Lori’s Story
When our children were young, we basically told them what to do. They had a set play time, bath time, bed time, and wake up time. They could only watch certain TV shows and play with certain things and be with certain families. We told them they could not ask for things in front of their friends, such as asking us if a friend could sleep over or vice versa. If they asked in front of their friend, the answer would automatically be no.
As our children got older, we would hear them out as they tried to convince mom and dad for certain things. We always thought our son Michael would be a lawyer. He had a way with words and he was good at debating. At times we would have to have long sit downs with Michael concerning his disagreeing with decisions we had made. He would write long letters and send them down the stairway in the form of a paper airplane. His letters would be filled with scriptural content arguing against our decisions. Michael had come into an age of reasoning with his parents.
We did not see Michael’s disagreements as rebellion because he was not being disrespectful. It was important for us and for him to be able to articulate the reasoning for our decisions. This was an opportunity for us to teach versus just tell and require obedience.
As children get older it is important to allow them to express their feelings and for them to hear you out as well. I have to say, there were times when Michael was right and got his way. God had used him to show us that sometimes fear was overtaking our parenting. Also, as parents we had to come to a place of trusting God with our children as they became older. We had to trust they would apply the teachings and spirituality they had received at home into their lives as well.
Interesting
The following is taken from -
Around the age of seven, give or take a year, children enter a developmental phase known as the age of reason. “The age of reason refers to the developmental cognitive, emotional, and moral stage in which children become more capable of rational thought, have internalized a conscience, and have better capacity to control impulses (than in previous stages),” explains Dana Dorfman, PhD, psychotherapist, and co-host of the podcast 2 Moms on the Couch.
It’s the time when a child starts to truly grasp the difference between right and wrong, and begins to realize that other people have their own feelings that might not match his or hers.
BOTTOM LINE:
The younger a child the more control is a necessity.
You must tell a young child what to do. Teaching and reasoning is for teen years.
Early control of behavior will reduce the need for behavior modification later in life.
Pray, learn and work hard at applying Biblical parenting tips.
Today’s Prayer: LORD, I thank you for giving me principles for raising obedient and respectful children. Help me to be diligent in learning how to be a good parent and faithful in applying Biblical parenting in my home. In Jesus Name, I pray. Amen!
