Truth:

Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” I Corinthians 15:33

The Bible clearly instructs us to not be misled when it comes to choosing the company we keep. No one should consider themselves strong enough to be in close relationship with those involved in a sinful lifestyle, and those who would place them in a compromising spiritual position and environment. This pertains to adults and parents first, and then of course to children.

Peer pressure affects all age groups. Thus, the engineering of friendships is crucial to everyone’s spiritual, emotional, psychological and even physical well-being.

It starts with parents. Everything you do, and what and who you allow into your life and home will affect you and your children.

You must protect yourself and your children from relationships that will bring temptation and spiritual decline into your home. The Bible does not mince words when it comes to relationships. We read in 2 Corinthians 6:14,

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

The people you associate with as a parent will have a spiritual impact upon you and your children. This world is spiritual and the Bible tells us to not fellowship with darkness. So the godliness of your friendships and who you allow into the sanctity of your home must be carefully examined. Do not expect your children to have healthy friendships if you are not leading the way.

Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ. 1 Corinthians 11:1

As believers we are called to love the unlovely, minister to the hurting, and bring Christ to the lost. But we are not called to throw out wisdom and to allow godlessness into our relationships and homes.

It is critical for a parent to engineer their child(ren)’s friendships.

One definition of the word engineer is to • skillfully or artfully arrange for (an event or situation) to occur. Parenting is not an easy job. It takes quite a bit of engineering, skillfully and artfully arranging for your child to have a blessed life, which requires healthy friendships.

You cannot leave your child’s friendships up to happenstance, to whoever they meet in school, in the neighborhood and even in church. There are times when even family members may not be who you want influencing your child. You want your child to have friends that will not bring harm to them in any way, and especially spiritually. This means you have to be wise in helping them to foster godly relationships.

As a parent you have to operate as a detective.

Like a detective you need to do some behind the scenes investigating of your child’s relationships, and adjust accordingly. Do your due diligence. You want to encourage some friendships and discourage or outright reject others. Your children do not need to know you are helping to choose their friends. Be wise, discreet and careful in how you discuss and address their relationships.

When our children were young we searched for godly families with children of their age. This usually happened in church. There is no better place to help your children make good friends than in a local church. Children and youth ministry are where it’s at! But even so, we were very careful with the choices we made, and we engineered the amount of time our children spent with friends, where they met, what they were doing, and what oversight they had. We worked hard at engineering their relationships.

Battles may ensue.

When our children became youth, there were times when battles ensued as to our requirements and standards, such as never missing church youth groups, and with who, where and when they were allowed to hang out. Of course, even our children had to come into their own relationship with Christ, and deal with sin, disobedience, rebellion and failure. But this does not let us off the hook as parents in providing clear direction, commands, reprimand and initiating consequence. We are responsible to God to be good parents and our children are responsible to God to obey their parents.

Story

Our children did not know we would ask certain older young people to help us spiritually influence them. We wanted them to have good mentors and role models in their lives and we realized young people listen to other young people. We would ask certain youth to take our children out with them, and of course we would pay and pray the way. We would also ask our young mentors to speak into our children’s lives and help them to see spirituality and coolness are one in the same.

Having older young people involved in our children’s lives created opportunities for them to discuss their feelings, fears, faith, unbeliefs, likes and dislikes. Sometimes our children even complained about their parents’ strictness. That was Ok with my wife and I because we wanted our children to be honest with their feelings. We considered it a benefit to have them vent to a young believer who we trusted would give them godly insight and advice.

Peer pressure is more powerful than parenting at some stages of your child’s development. You must search for peers you know will be a good influence on your children. This takes work, wisdom and engineering of their relationships.

Interesting

Taken from: https://headsup.scholastic.com/students/peer-pressure-its-influence-on-teens-and-decision-making/

“According to Dr. B. J. Casey from the Weill Medical College of Cornell University, teens are very quick and accurate in making judgments and decisions on their own and in situations where they have time to think. However, when they have to make decisions in the heat of the moment or in social situations, their decisions are often influenced by external factors like peers. In a study funded by the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), teen volunteers played a video driving game, either alone or with friends watching. What the researchers discovered was that the number of risks teens took in the driving game more than doubled when their friends were watching as compared to when the teens played the game alone. This outcome indicates that teens may find it more difficult to control impulsive or risky behaviors when their friends are around, or in situations that are emotionally charged.”

BOTTOM LINE:

Everything you do as a parent will affect your children.
You must engineer your child(ren)’s friendships.
Parents must be detectives.
Having battles with your children is normal.

Today’s Prayer: LORD, guide me in helping my children and me develop healthy godly relationships that will benefit our lives. Provide me with discernment, strength and wisdom in doing what is best for my family. Even when things get heated, please help me to stand my ground and make decisions backed by your Word, blessing and support. In Jesus Name I pray, Amen!

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