Practical Tips for Maintaining Modesty

Admittedly, I’m a millennial. And a Christian. And for the most part, the word “modesty” as I’ve heard it in my lifetime has only been in reference to clothing selection.    

But I felt drawn to the idea that modesty is about more than just clothing. 

One definition of the word “modesty” is “The quality or state of being unassuming or moderate in the estimation of one’s abilities.'' A synonym of this use of the word: humility.

Another definition: “the quality of being relatively limited, or small in amount, rate, or level.”  A synonym of this use of the word: smallness.

If we look at Romans 12:3, we can see an application of both definitions. 

“For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.” (NIV)

Be humble. Be small. 

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I feel that some elaboration is necessary due to the negative connotation held by the word “small.” However, as Christians and representatives of Christ, I believe small is exactly what we ought to be. Not in reference to our strength or ability, but in reference to what people see. 

Seeking Attention 

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But, how did the word modesty begin to get so strongly correlated with the way that we dress? 

My personal struggle with modesty is a good illustration of how. 

For me it was about attention.

Looking back, I believe my struggle with modesty occurred because I knew I could get people to look at me if I dressed or acted a certain way. I was trying to be big. If we can be honest with ourselves and with God, we’ve probably all felt that at one point or another. The urge to seek the attention, approval, and/or admiration of others.

But if you don’t know, you already have God’s attention! He admires you! Before social media was even invented, He was your first “Like,” the initial double-tap (okay millennial’s, now we’ve lost them). 

We must use this truth to fill the empty places inside of us. After all, our Heavenly Father created us in His own image (Genesis 1:27) and therefore, already approves of us (Genesis 1:31). And as if being created in the image of the Almighty God is not enough, Ephesians 2:10 says “we are God’s handiwork.” Another translation says “we are God’s masterpiece.” (NLT)   

 Redirect our Focus

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Choosing an outfit to wear or taking that selfie seems harmless! However, here’s one of the major issues with immodesty: when people are more focused on looking at us, they are less focused on looking at Christ. We must remember: we are on a mission here. From one imperfect person to another, it is important that we are intentional about recognizing where our behavior or appearances are leading people. 

Contrary to popular belief, this doesn’t always look like clothes that are too revealing or wearing a bikini to the beach. In fact, the Bible says in 1 Peter 3:3-4, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” (NIV) 

This Scripture encourages us to redirect our focus. Elaborate hairstyles may no longer be possible when your hair starts thinning or you start balding. Gold jewelry or fine clothes may come to an end when finances get tight, but your spirit is eternal. God says, that’s the part of great worth. Not the 6-pack or the Gucci sandals. Our God values the eternal!

Talking with some Christ-focused women who attend Legacy Church, I was able to put together some practical tips for maintaining modesty:

1. When you wake up in the morning, ask yourself: “Does this outfit attract people to my spirit or to my physical body/what I’m wearing?” 

1 Timothy 2:9-10 says “I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.” (NIV) God cares about how we dress.

2. Ask yourself: “Is my behavior or clothing choice attracting people’s attention to me or directing people’s attention towards Christ?” 

This is where being small comes into play. Sometimes we don’t even consciously think about our choices, because we’re so used to dressing or acting a certain way by default, but how we portray ourselves around other people can be a means of leading people towards Christ or away from Him. The bigger we make ourselves = the more people look at us = the less they look at Him. Let’s get out of default mode and be intentional about our choices.

3. Ask yourself: “Are my actions or choices causing another person to stumble/sin?” 

I was not always a believer of Christ. I can hear the beginning of the sentence that would’ve come out of my mouth years ago: “Why should I have to… ?”  PUMP THE BRAKES. Stop right there old me. The answer is: you should choose to dress and act modestly for the sake of other people because that’s love. It isn’t mentioned too often, but there are people and families that are hurt every day by sinful situations caused by temptation. It’s real hurt. Because you love your brothers and sisters in Christ, please consider how your choices and actions may affect them or their families. 

And, also, Jesus said it! In Matthew 18:6-7 (NIV) Jesus says, “If anyone causes one of these little ones – those who believe in me – to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to stumble! Such things must come, but woe to the person through whom they come!” 

4. Allow the Holy Spirit to guide you. 

I remember there was one day that I realized how clearly I had been hearing God’s voice regarding my clothing choices. It’s like I had a personal stylist every morning! I would feel gentle conviction about certain clothing options and would put them down (or do the little daddy-daughter eye roll thing and THEN put them down; He loves me) and find something more modest. It was a cool moment when I realized my ever-present help was guiding me even in things as simple as my outfit-of-the-day. I remember the times where I didn’t regard that voice at all. God is with you always, there is no condemnation, just allow Him to guide you.

Author: Leticia Aponte a member of Legacy Church

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