The last few years of my life have not been easy, to say the least. There were challenges after challenges, heartache after heartache. It led to a rock bottom point where I no longer wanted to pretend I wasn’t battling depression. I no longer wanted to play the role of happy, put together, and all figured out. I wanted ACTUAL JOY! Not the pretend kind I was keeping up with because what would people think?

Prior to this rock bottom point I remember thinking to myself, “There is no way I am facing depression. I go to church, I have a relationship with God, I read my bible and pray all the time. I have a great family. I live in a great neighborhood. I have a nice car. I have plenty of friends. I spend time with people often. I have a great job.” And so on and so on. You know the list. Am I right? The list of all the things we HAVE and can CHECK OFF.

I felt like I should be happy. Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary defines happy as “favored by luck or fortune”. So in essence, I had plenty to be happy about, right? Not quite. Although I was fortunate enough to have all of these things, I felt like I was slowly dying inside.

Isn’t happiness enough?

I don’t think there is anything wrong with being happy. In fact, I am almost positive God delights in our state of happiness. I do think there is a difference between happiness and joy. See friend, the Bible doesn’t talk about happiness nearly as much as it talks about joy.

Did you know joy is mentioned over 200 times in the Bible? If we believe that the Bible is God’s Word and He left it to us as a blueprint, don’t you think there was an intent in the amount of times joy is mentioned? Don’t you think He is telling us something? That He wants to show us the difference between happiness and joy, and why each of these states of being are important? I would think so. And that was when I started digging deeper.

What is God trying to tell me? This was a question I would ask myself repeatedly over the course of some difficult months. Followed by other questions like:

Why isn’t happy and content enough?
Could it be because happiness is a temporary state while joy is more a fixed state of mind?
Could it be that temporal things such as our possessions bring us happiness, but do not leave us with joy?

So what is the source of joy?

I strongly believe God wants us to realize JOY comes from Him⸺not possessions or relationships with people. Not from the home we live in, the amount of followers on social media, the salaries we make, or any of the things. JOY COMES FROM GOD!!

You may be wondering how a person who feels so hopeless can even obtain joy. I had these questions. This was how that sounded for me:

Could someone like me who struggles with depression and anxiety, among other things, actually have joy? How will I choose joy when everything around me seems to be falling apart? How could ANYONE have joy in these circumstances?

Honestly, it seemed like I was destined for tears and pain instead. There was no way a person like me who has made so many mistakes because of my brokenness would ever live a joy-filled life. Someone like me, who has not fully healed from years of pain couldn’t possibly live a life full of joy.

But Jesus was so clear when He taught his disciples what we find in Matthew 5:3-11. The very people we would look at today and write off are the very people Jesus says will be BLESSED! When I read these verses it became clear to me that God knows I am suffering, but He wants to assure me that I have nothing to worry about. I am blessed.

I Choose Joy

Joy is my portion. I just know it and even when I don’t feel it I choose it! I meditate on it daily and fight the lies that fill my head. In fact, I battle the lies with truths. Yes, all these horrible things happened to me BUT greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world (1 John 4:4). Yes, I did things I regret BUT my lips will shout for JOY because God redeemed me, my sins, and my soul (Psalm 71:23). Yes I feel weak BUT the JOY of the Lord is my source of strength (Nehemiah 8:10). Yes, I do not have some of the things I deeply desire BUT I also have a lot to look forward to (Romans 14:17). Yes, there is pain and suffering BUT my heart will rejoice and no one can take that from me (John 16:22).

Although I may not FEEL joy I CHOOSE it! I wear joy as a mantle over my heart. I spend time with God daily and He fills the spaces of my empty heart with joy everlasting!!! As I do this I can see where He begins to heal my heart and replace depression with His abounding JOY!

Friend, I pray that RIGHT NOW you CHOOSE JOY! You wear it as a mantle over YOUR heart! And that JOY is manifested in your heart, mind, and soul from this day forward, in Jesus name, Amen.

Psalm 4:7 says, “Fill my heart with joy when their grain and new wine abound”.

This scripture is an important reminder to not be like the rest of the world, who chase material things for fulfillment. The only one who brings joy is God!!

As a church we do not believe in doing life alone. We want to pray with you.