Overcoming Hurt in Marriage

Marriage is a beautiful thing, a true gift from God. The Bible tells us that “He who finds a wife, finds a good thing.” in Proverbs 18:22. In addition, marriage is also a picture of one of the many ways in which God views us, as the bride of Christ.

Many years ago, my husband and I walked through a season of hurt in our marriage, in which we had both hurt each other in different ways and were looking to divorce as an answer. Let me tell you that divorce is NOT the answer – Jesus is!! The Holy Spirit restored our marriage in ways I would have never expected. He led us to Legacy Church, a fruitful, Bible teaching church where we could grow in His word and gave us divine friendships there.  God is a good father and a perfect counselor.

In this day and age, much of what marriage truly is, has been forgotten. People take vows and perform marriage ceremonies, without even considering the Lord. And when things become difficult, or hard times come, they turn against one another, instead of towards one another, together seeking the Lord, the Holy Spirit. There are some key actions to overcoming hurt, anger, and disappointment in a marriage. A few of these are prayer, forgiveness, humility, esteeming your spouse higher than yourself, and having self-control. In this post, we will examine having self-control and some practical ways of implementing that on a daily basis.

Self-Control

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For God did not give us a spirit of timidity or cowardice or fear, but [He has given us a spirit] of power, and of love and of sound judgment and personal discipline [abilities that result in a calm, well-balanced mind and self-control]. 2 Timothy 1:7

This scripture gives us insight into our own identity. If we have received salvation and have the Holy Spirit, then the Bible tells us that we have been given a sound mind, the ESV version calls it self-control, the NIV version calls it self-discipline. The point is, that we have the ability through the Holy Spirit to operate in a level of self-control. In a marriage, this may look like restraint from lashing out in anger against our spouse, or refraining from the desire to engage in a “tit for tat” argument.

Proverbs 29:11 teaches us, that “a fool vents all his feelings, But a wise man holds them back.” Self-discipline also looks like humility.

1 Peter 3:8-9 states, “Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. 9 Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”  When we follow God’s word and walk according to His ways, blessing follows.

Words are Powerful

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The Bible is full of scriptures that speak to the power of the tongue and the words that one speaks. It tells us clearly in Proverbs 13:3, “The one who guards his mouth preserves his life; the one who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.” This scripture gives us a plain understanding regarding the power of words upon ourselves.

In addition, Proverbs also teaches us the power and effect that words have on others. Proverbs 15:1 teaches, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 12:18 explains, “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” How much more clear can it be!

God has given His children authority, and with that comes power – the power of life and death even – from the words you speak. “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit” Proverbs 18:21.

In a broken marriage, many times, words become your number one weapon against your spouse, bringing death to the marriage and to you as individuals. Your words can bring destruction and disappointment, discouragement, and even hopelessness OR they can bring life, peace, forgiveness, love, joy, and hope.

Whatever you choose to speak, expect your marriage to move in that direction. If you choose to speak life, abundance, forgiveness, and blessing over your spouse and marriage, then you will begin to see those fruits manifest in a tangible way in the relationship. However, if you choose to speak with bitterness and anger, and have unforgiveness in your heart then, you will also reap the same back into the marriage.

How one speaks is a choice, it is an action, and therefore, we have control over it. We have the ability to practice self-control when we speak and when we interact with others. We will also answer for the way in which we speak to others, including our spouse and children. In the New Testament, Matthew 12:36 states, “But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken.”

Restoration takes Action

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Marriage is one of the most rewarding things that God gives us, by bringing a spouse into our lives, blessings of children, growing old together.  A Christ-centered marriage is one of action.  It is a relationship, which requires effort, work, and perseverance. When there is hurt in a marriage, both spouses must acknowledge their own role in it and actively work together with the power of the Holy Spirit to bring restoration.

At Legacy Church, we want you to know that God has restoration for you and for your marriage. There have been so many marriages that have come into the church on the brink of divorce and God has reconciled and restored them, families that have been brought back together, and deep hurts that have been forgiven. God is able to do the miraculous in your life and your marriage as well.  

God’s desire is to bless you and see you prosper. God is not done with you yet, He loves you with an everlasting love.

As a church we do not believe in doing life alone. We want to pray with you.

To submit a prayer request visit

www.legacychurchri.com/prayerandpraise

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